Spring 2021

 

Sitting at the top of the stoop,

Re-reading Patrick O’Brian. 

Wearing sandals, no jacket,

Enjoying a lovely faux summer afternoon in April.

A Fed Ex truck parks a couple of houses down. 

No packages for me but as he drives away

The Fed Ex man waves and smiles.  

I wave and smile back, that’s our guy. 

In this moment, he and I are not alone

And life is good.

What I Know About Lag B’Omer

 

I don’t know anything about Lag B’Omer

Except what I read on Wikipedia

Which tells me a few different things it’s supposed to celebrate,

One of which is the end of a plague that killed 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva’s students.

Oy, plagues. Enough already.

 

I like to think about Akiva though,

Because I had a crush on him when I was a kid. 

Still do, sort of.

If you’re old enough, you might remember in Hebrew School they used up class time with slide shows

That had pre-recorded narrations. 

You know, that went DING whenever you were supposed to go to the next slide?

The one about Rabbi Akiva made a real impression.

For one thing,

He was quite handsome in his working man robes,

And romantic, the way he loved his wife

And how he worked so hard to win her.

 

And I loved the way he studied with children when he decided he wanted to learn.

There was a slide of Akiva sitting in the classroom at a child’s desk.

(Though I think I may be making that up.)

I thought of Akiva when I went back to school in my fifties.

So anyway, I’m glad the plague stopped killing his students.

 

The last picture of the Rabbi Akiva slide show was of him, old, with a long beard,

No longer cute, tied to a stake, 

Wrapped in what I remember as barbed wire,

Bleeding and looking up, presumably to God,

Whom he could see because he was saying the Sh’ma.

Ever since 9/11, I say the Sh’ma

When the F Train goes under the East River.

If the subway tunnel collapses

I want to see God.

Oh, also bonfires and haircuts. 

Happy Lag B’Omer!

Seventh Night: Before And After The Sea

 

Before The Sea

 

What I’m willing to leave behind in the narrow place:

 

Bricks, Whips, Forced labor

Blood, Packing, Yeast

Slavery, Racism, Masters

Danger, Weakness, Servitude

Plagues, Lies, Jew Haters

 

Netflix, My Room, Two-dimensions

Distance, Masks, Chapped Hands

Racism, Conspiracies, Death

Worry, Fear, Loneliness 

Plagues, Lies, Jew Haters

I put it all in my backpack

And put the pack down on the beach

Before I step into the Sea.

 

 

After The Sea   Now what? We’ve stepped into the water, We’ve crossed the Sea of Reeds. We said we would go and we went We’re here in the desert Now what?   What are we supposed to do now? Go out into the world, Talk to people? You want us to talk to people? In person?! Do we have to touch them? Are we supposed to touch them? Do we want to touch them? And ewww, they’re all so…three dimensional.   And in the new world of freedom there is Body odor And decisions.  We need to do stuff.  We didn’t want to leave our rooms.   We miss our pajamas.  We miss knowing that nothing was going to happen.   We miss the cucumbers of Egypt.  We will need to think about this, It could take years.

My Seder Plate

This year I don’t need symbols on my Seder plate.

This year I am very literal.

An egg is just an egg,

A bone represents only bones.

This year I’m all pshat.

Hate, Lies, Anger, Fear, Pain, Isolation, 

Death

Only an empty Seder plate can hold all that truth.

Benching Gomel After Receiving The Second Dose of the Vaccine

What is this feeling?

Three days ago

I received the second of two doses

Of the Moderna vaccine.

And this feeling, what is it?

I am so mindful of the privileges

Of skin, class, nationality, neighborhood

To access the vaccine

And I am not strong enough to turn it down.

And I am so mindful

Of the inspiration and efficiency,

The hard work and creativity

And the accumulation of knowledge

That brought me to this moment. 

No miracles were wanted or needed,

For this vaccine

Only science and money,

But still,

Isn’t it amazing?

What is this feeling?

Is this safety?

Do I feel...good?

Some of the fear 

Is over

For me.

May everyone everywhere receive their two doses

And may the side effects be mild and effective

And may we all feel good, and safe.

Blessed HaShleimut, the Holy Wholeness,

Creating Sanctuary

We give thanks.

Amen

Hagar's Prayer*

   

      Blessed One-ness, Breathing Existence,

I once was Sarah:Rich,Loved,Able to laugh at everything,Even God,Especially God.I had a place, a home, a mission.

But now I'm Hagar:Broke,Alone,About to cry at everything,Even God.Especially God.Wandering, in the desert, hungry. 

This is my fault.I should have seen this comingI should have protected myself,I refused to accurately assess my situation.Oh, the fantasies I had of love and success.

No! This is Sarah's fault,She, with her connectionsAnd her covenantAnd no room for anyone else.Oh, the promises she made when she needed me.

No, this is Abraham's fault!He pretends to have no agencyBut he's the one with the money and the power,He's the one who talks to God (or so he says).Oh, the bullshit he slings about destiny.

All I have now is a cat named IshmaelAnd he expects to be fedAnd watered.Meow Meow, he's starving.I can't look at him,Oh, I can't watch him die.All I can do is pray.

Blessed One-nessBreathing Existence,Send me a social workerOr food stampsOr a lotto ticketOr friendsOr a magical flowing spring of plenty that pours out from the rocks.

Or something.Amen. 
*Originally Printed in Journal of Feminist Studies In Religion: #35, 1

Chapter 5: Zeresh, the Karen of Shushan

 Zeresh, Haman’s wife,

Egging on her vile spouse,

Screaming, Kill the Jews!

The Shushan equivalent of Karen,

Screaming, Black men!

Dialing 911

About the bird watcher

Or the candy buyer

Or the driver

Or the walker

Or the swimmer

Or the runner

Or the sleeper

Or the voter.

 

Hag Purim Sameakh

The 9th Chapter: We Won And They Lost

 

And so, on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, when the king’s command and decree were to be executed, the very day on which the enemies of the Jews had expected to get them in their power, the opposite happened, and the Jews got their enemies in their power.*

 

So what happens when we win?

Not by much

And in the nick of time.

It so easily could have gone the other way.

And though there’s lots of us

There’s plenty of them

And they are cruel

But then so are we.

What to do?

 

Do we forgive and forget?

Do we try to change hearts and minds?

Or do we strike at our enemies with the sword?

Do we slay and destroy

Just like they were going to slay and destroy us?

Even those who had nothing to do with it?

Are they permanently them?

Are we forever only us?

 

Shall we be cruel?

Shall we impale their children on the stake

And then forget them?

It’s strangely tempting.

 

Weren’t they stupid?

Aren’t our comedians clever?

So do we laugh in the face of their grief

And celebrate their deaths and their disgraces?

But what is the line

Between satire and derision?

Between defense and revenge?

How do we resist answering hate for hate, violence for violence?

Do we try to reconcile?

Should we try to be nice on principle?

What if they’re not interested in us being nice, ever?

Can’t it be enough to laugh at them,

Do we have to also slay and destroy them?

Can’t we maybe talk instead?

Blessed One-ness

What are our obligations here?

We won and they lost and we are glad.

But perhaps we need help

To remember their humanity

While we party.

Hag Purim Sameakh

Amen.

*JPS translation

Second Cup Of Wine

We are about to drink that second cup of wine, 

The beginning of the Maggid section of the Seder,

As we tell the story 

Of how we left the narrow place.

In the Talmud, Rabbi Hanina says that

Human versions of God’s vast intent are as unripened fruit,

Filled with potential,

Perceived completely only by God.  

Hanina says that the unripened fruit of prophecy is a dream.

Which is kind of cool. 

So I speculate,

As grapes become wine

So does the unripened fruit of truth 

Become the story.

We tell tales with beginnings, middles and ends

Around our seder table, 

And our mythology tells us who we were

Which helps a lot,

Almost as much as that second cup of wine.

So

Blessed Holy Wholeness

We give thanks 

For the fruits of the earth

And our minds.

Amen

This Day

Art by Carolyn Hall

Blessed Yah, Creator, Created, Creating...

We pray for change and hope,

For ourselves and the world:

Instead of anger, we choose kindness.

Instead of revenge, we choose justice.

Instead of resentment, we choose empathy.

Instead of work, we choose rest.

Instead of ideology, we choose compromise.

Instead of destruction, we choose community.

Instead of fear, we choose endurance.

Instead of acquiescence, we choose resistance. 

Instead of invective, we choose prayer.

Instead of violence, we choose peace.

Blessed Yah, Creator, Created, Creating...

We give thanks for this day of change and hope.

And let us say, Amen.