Your Pure Soul: Elohai Neshama

Your soul was pure:

You were in yourself,

You remember that.

You remember safety.

Amazed at the taste of food, sugar blew your mind.

You danced and laughed and told jokes.

You slept on the dog.

You loved to hear the cantor sing the songs,

You knew that God was in that room.

You loved cartoons.

Then life happened to you. 

Your soul became corrugated

And you kicked back at the world.

You forgot how to be in yourself,

You only knew how to react.

Your hurt looked like anger,

Your fear looked like sarcasm.

Other people's pain was somehow all about you.

God-ness looked like stupidity

And you were not allowed to touch the Torah.

The past was wrong

And the future was fantasy

And you thought you could not love.

Then one day you stopped.

You listened to the ambient sounds.

You listened to your breath,

You listened for that pure soul.

And you saw things as they really were:

Hurt was only hurt

And you were not the center of the universe   

And you felt compassion instead of fear.

God-ness surrounded you.

The past was past, the future was yet to be.

You began to touch Torah

And you remembered to love.

It is very difficult to get there,

It can take a long time,

But once achieved

It is simple.

Really.

Your soul IS pure.

Our souls ARE pure.

And we are each of us a part of all creation,

Protected in the One-ness.

אֱלהַי. נְשָׁמָה שֶׁנָּתַתָּ בִּי טְהורָה הִיא

Amen

Heal Me

The One Who Blessed Our Ancestors, Ruach HaOlam, Breath of the Universe, 

heal me…

 

I need a Healing Prayer.

But I can't do it.

I don't have the soothing words.

I'm in pain

Right now

And it's been going on for a while

And it looks like it's going to last longer than it takes to say any prayer.

So instead

I offer to you

A Pain Prayer:

A friend died suddenly

And I miss her.

I’m afraid since the election 

And my despair is showing.

I don't have a partner

And I'm lonely. 

Climate change is destroying my home

And I will never be comfortable again. 

My body hurts

And I'm becoming my pain.

Did I name any of your sorrows?

Do you want to name them now?

What was solid is porous,

What was secure is scary,

And everyone wants to hurry me through my grief.

It will be so much better, they say, when this is over:

You will be transformed!

Yes, I say, but into what?

Yes, I say, but I’m not there now!

Yes, I say, but please, let me mourn first.

“Refa’aynu Adonai V’Nayrafay

Heal us God, and we shall be healed.”

Can this be true?

“Elohai neshama sh’natata’bi,

The soul placed within me is pure and cannot be lost.”

o where is that pure soul?

Where is that healing of the body, mind and spirit?

Is it in the music?

Is it in my friends?

Is it in prayer?

So I listen to the music

And I am transported away from the hurt.

I look around at my community

And I am taken care of.

I recite this prayer

And I speak to God.

I guess this is a healing prayer after all.

Baruch Atah Adonai, The One Who Blessed Our Ancestors, Ruach HaOlam, Breath of the Universe,

Healer, Healing, Healed.

Amen