I Don't Know: Thoughts On Reading Parsha Mishpatim

I don't know.

I am an American,

And I was brought to believe in democracy with a small d

And I believe in it way more than I've seen it.

I grew up with crazy and arbitrary parents,

In a school system run by martinets

And a religion run by men who wouldn't answer my questions or let me participate

Because I was a girl,

During a war that was stupid and destructive

In a country run by incompetents on a good day. 

And generally, when you set rules before me,

I am going to argue with you. 

As that great sage, Bruce Springsteen, wrote,

“when they said sit down I stood up”.

Or at least that's how I like to think of myself. 

The truth is,

I'm actually a law-abiding coward. 

When they say sit down,

I sit down,

Though I make a few wise-ass comments

Out of the side of my mouth

As I park my butt in a comfy seat.

Well yes.  

But I also sit down

Because

There IS a right and wrong. 

I don't go the wrong way down a one-way street,  

Partly because that's how I was taught

And partly because, well,  

If you go the wrong way down a one-way street

You might get killed

Or you might kill someone else.

We all know this. 

We know what is sensible. 

We are, perhaps, born knowing this.

Don't you all,

Past a certain age,

And assuming you're not a sociopath,

Know the difference between right and wrong?

Do we need religion to be ethical?

Do we need the threat that a supernatural being is going to punish us

In order not to do bad?

Do you need to be a good Jew to be good?

Jewish tradition and teaching

Comes down as firmly as it is possible to come down

On the side of Yes. 

But

I don’t know.

How beloved we were by Moses and our rabbis,

That that they took such care

To make sure we lead safe and righteous lives. 

And yet, how poorly Moses and the rabbis must have thought of us

To need to control us so completely with so many rules?

I don't know.
We may not need God to run things. 

We know what we need.

And maybe we don't need some self-appointed spokesperson telling us what to do,

Most of us know what is right and what is wrong.

We have internalized this God-sense

And what we need is acknowledge it

And listen to

This embodiment of our best selves,

This impulse towards community and peace

And our laws, if done correctly,

Are our blessed parameters,

And this is

Because

As mortal humans

Our vision is limited,

Our compassion sometimes lacks,

Our self-control does not always work

And the rule of law protects us from tyrants and chaos. 

This I know:

We must always remember that

Ethical living is practical and necessary,

That when we are decent to each other,

And when we make decent laws,

We are kadosh, holy,

That we may live together

In Holy Wholeness.

This I know.

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Holy Wholeness: A Kaddish Shalem

How can a name be great?

Why exalt a name?

Why do we need a Name?

From Before Time Was,

During Time As it Is,

After Time Which Will Be

Bless the Ancestral God or your Personal God 

Or the God of Our Current Understanding or lack thereof,

And let us say, Amen.

  

Bless who?  what?  how do we name the Un-nameable?

Bless the names of God that we came up with anyway, because we’re human and we need names.
Elohim
Shaddai
Adonai
Shechinah
HaMakom
And so many more.

Bless the name, Hashem, meaning “The Name”, because even the inadequate names we came with are a bit too powerful for some of us to say out loud.

Oy, it’s complicated.

Layer Upon Layer of attempts to describe the Indescribable.

It’s a good thing we Jews like that sort of thing.

So bless our need for a name

It has made us so creative.

Bless the Eternal and the Glorious,

The Holy Whole,

And bless our imaginative attempts to imagine the Unimaginable.

It makes us happy to think about God

Even though we have absolutely no idea what the truth is,

That's never stopped us before!

Really, we can’t say it enough,

We are blessed with this burden.

We go on and on

Above and beyond these blessings

Above and beyond the prayers and psalms and torah reading

We go on and on

Because we need to describe what cannot be described.

We need structure in the face of the vast

So we make up stories.

We create a personality and voice for God.

It makes sense of of the apparently chaotic.

So let us pray for beginings and middles and ends.

These prayers of all the Jews, these prayers of all the world:

For life despite death

For joy despite sorrow

For meaning despite  doubt.

May these prayers be answered,

As unlikely as that may be,

You never know.

And let us say, Amen.

Let us go on and on

So that we may be heard

Let us shout if we have to!

You want us to listen to You?

Then listen to us!

And let us say, Amen.

To all Jews everywhere

Observant, religious, liberal, secular, cultural…

To all of our teachers and to their teachers

And to all their students' students

To all who study Torah

To all who want to learn anything

To all who need to learn,

Here or anywhere

May we be at peace,

So that we may enjoy our learning.

May we know our true selves

So that we can act with compassion.

May we find wholeness

And may we share the wholeness

And receive the same in return.

And may we have nice long lives in which to share and enjoy the good things of life:

And may we have an inkling of a smidgeon of a glimpse of

Of the shadow of the back of God.

Oh please may we know God’s presence.

Please please please.

Oh wait, God's presence has always been here

And always will be.

Never mind.

God doesn't need any names,

Only we do.

And let us say, Amen.

May we have the will and the luck and the opportunity and the grace

To experience in our short lives:

Love, Kindness, Compassion

Sexual Pleasure, Good Food, Fun

Parents, Children, Family

Knowledge, Learning, Teaching

Work, Responsibility, Community

Rest, Gratitude, Companionship

Health, Forgiveness, Healing,

Atonement, Redemption, Salvation.

May everyone everywhere achieve all this

And let us say, Amen.

And may the Breathing Breath of Eternity

Grant peace

Upon us and everybody else.

And may the Un-nameable be sanctified

And the Names we have invented to name the Un-nameable be sanctified

And may The Name we invented to name the names we invented for the Un-nameable be sanctified.

Layer Upon Layer of attempts to describe the Indescribable.

It’s a good thing we like that sort of thing.

Bless our need for these names,

It has made us so creative

In our own small way.

Amidst the ongoing Creation

Of the Creating Creator,

May our creations flourish and survive our limitations.

And may we see the good things grow

And the bad things diminish

In our lifetimes.

And if we may be so bold as to hope

For the good things to happen

Sooner rather than later?

Bless The Name of the Names of the Un-nameable

Now

Until

Then.

Layer Upon Layer

A Holy Wholeness.

May all our prayers

Be understood

And let us say, Amen

God,

However we understand God on any given day,

God,

Making peace and

Sustaining wholeness

Through us

If we but have the eyes to see,

For each other

And all the world,

Shalom.

And let us say, Amen.