Prayer for New Year's Eve

Baruch Atah Adonai

Brucha At Shechinah

I am glad that I don't believe in an intervening God of cause and effect, 
In a petty king and insecure supreme being 
Who plans everything that happens on our planet.

Because if I did,

After this last year,

I would be way pissed off.

Baruch Atah Adonai

Brucha At Shechinah

I am glad that I do have a knowingness
Of connection and holy conversation,

Of community and friendship and family and love and resistance 
That I call God.

And tonight on New Year's Eve

And in the coming year

I will have hope.

Blessed One-ness

We see the truth

And we see the possibilities.
Blessed be the truth!
Blessed be the possibilities!
Happy New Year.

Amen

The First Two Years: A Yizkor Kavannah

I. The First Day

What?

Wait...what?

No.

How?  When?

Why?

No.

What?

No.

No no no.

II.  Shiva

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, bagesl and lox, thank you so much.

You know you meant a lot to us.

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, casserole, thank you so much.

You know you meant a lot to us.

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, white fish salad, thank you so much.

It means a lot.

Yitgadal v'Yitkadash.

Thank you everyone, please go away now.

Go away.

Go away.

Thank you,

Amen.

III.  Sheloshim

Everyone went away.

Especially you.

One month later

And I don't know how to be.

Stop it.

IV.  Eleven Months Later

Today I brought a bottle of Scotch to shul

And many little plastic cups.

And just before the Mourner's Kaddish

I stood up and announced the unveiling.

Eleven months since you died.

I told a funny story

And poured out a drink for anyone who wanted one.

It was nice,

We toasted your life.

But you're still dead anyway.

You're still dead.

And I think I"m a little drunk.

V.  Two Years Later

It's Yizkor on Yom Kippur

And while the rabbi reads off the names

I'm going to tell you an embarrassing secret.

Sometimes when I'm watching TV

And an older couple comes on

In one of those commercials for Social Security supplemental health insurance.

And even though the dialogue is hokey

And the situation is contrived,

They are so warm and familiar with each other,

And you know they have been together for a long time

And plan to be together for a long time to come

And I can't help it,

It reminds me of you.

I know, right?

But I can't help it,

It makes me cry.

Only a little.

After all,

It's silly,

It's only a commercial for Social Security supplemental health insurance.

Oh, the rabbi just got to you.

It's good to hear her say your name again.

We remember you, together.  

Amen.

Each Loss Breaks a Pattern: A Shiva Prayer

Baruch Atah Adonai

Ruach Ha Olam

Blessed One-ness, Breath of the Universe

Breathing us in 
Breathing us out.

Each loss breaks a pattern.

We remember and we pray.

We remember our loved one, _____________(name)

Beloved _______________(relationship)

Each loss breaks a pattern,
And we remember them.

We remember them

Because they gave us to ourselves,

We remember them

Because we loved each other,

And we remember

Because, well,
That is our job.

Every loss breaks a pattern,

And we pray.

We pray and place ourselves in front of the fear,

We place ourselves in front of the anger,

We place ourselves in front of the grief,

We pray and delight in our memories

We pray and listen for music that reminds us there will be joy again.

We pray for the long repair that happens after the patterns break.

And we give thanks for the ancient traditions, 

Telling the story even when we can’t. 

Hallelu Yah, breathing in,

Remembering us when we cannot.

Hallelu Yah, breathing out,

Praying with us when we feel alone.

Amen