Join me at KALLAH!

 Join me at Kallah this July for a deep writing dive into the many uses and meanings of the Kaddish: Naming God, Praise/Mindfulness, Wholeness, Learning, Holy Separation, Mourning and Healing.

http://aleph.org/kallah/

Lucky Esther. Chapter 2 of the Megillah

Lucky Hadassah,

She won a beauty contest!

Which is nice

Every girl 

Should own at least one tiara. 

The food is good at the palace

And there’s probably other perks.  

But she has to sleep 

(That’s putting it nicely)

With that grotesque,

That drunk, that autocrat,

That screamer, that narcissist,

That wastrel, that misogynist,

That idiot who will say yes to

Whoever  

Is the last person he talked to:

Kill the Jews

Don’t kill the Jews 

Whatever. 

That’s jumping ahead in our story, 

We’re still in Chapter 2,

The one where Hadassah is

Kidnapped  

Trafficked

Objectified

Groomed

Raped. 

The one in which she

Loses her true name

And is used by Cousin Mordecai

To make his.

Lucky Esther,

She won a beauty contest. 

Getting Old

 

Getting old

Is the slow loss of shame,

Especially if you’ve spent your life

Being watched

And judged

And found wanting. 

I wasn’t fat

But I wasn’t skinny. 

So I thought I was huge. 

My entire life was organized around my big ass. 

I dressed in loose clothes,

I didn’t go swimming. 

Young men on the street 

Commented 

On the size of my ass

All the time. 

It never occurred to me 

That they liked my ass. 

It never occurred to me 

That my ass was none of their business. 

When I quit smoking 

I gained more weight. 

I’m told I was voluptuous,

I knew I was fat. 

When I hit my forties

The comments stopped. 

I could be on fire

And no man would see me. 

I missed them

For a while. 

It meant I was too old

To be sexy. 

But in my fifties

I slowly realized I was free!

If no one was looking

Then I could just be me. 

And me said,

No more dieting. 

And then me said,

If you don’t like it don’t look. 

And then me said,

No more hiding. 

And then me said,

No more apologies.  

My hair went gray

And I figured out that

If I used the right tone of voice,

Young men would do my bidding. 

I’m not a grandma. 

I’m not a mommy or an auntie. 

I don’t need them to love me. 

I need them to give me a seat on the subway.  

Except for the poverty

And the wrinkles 

And the impending decrepitude,

Getting old is lovely. 

Listen In Shul

Listen in shul 

To the siddur pages turning; 

To the children squirming; 

To feet stepping back and forward three times; 

To those checking their phones; 

To the familiar tune; 

To the memories of our dead; 

To our worries for the future; 

To the questions and the doubt: 

To our yearning for a nap; 

To the schmoozers in the back row; 

To the silent prayers; 

To us; 

To Shabbat. 

Amen