Chapter 1
Vashti Says No
What happened? I’ll tell you.
He summoned me,
That old drunk,
He wants to show me off to his friends
Disgusting.
I didn’t think
I just answered,
I said to the messenger,
Tell him, Vashti says No
To ask such a thing
It’s the last straw
Maybe this makes me a bad wife.
I don’t know, what do you think?
I should do as he commands?
He sends back more notes
I’m a bitch, I’m a shrew,
I don’t know my place!
Fine, I say to the messenger, who is just a kid.
Fine, tell him, Vashti says no.
Five minutes later
Back comes the kid
Poor thing, I feel sorry for him
The old man is going to hurt him
When he hears what I’ve said.
I wish I could help him, but I can’t.
Because the kid announces,
It’s official
I’m divorced, banished, forgotten instantly
Make room for the next one.
Hmph! Do I care?
Tell him, Vashti says No.
So now what?
What do I do?
Pack, ladies, we’re packing to go.
Does my life end if I’m not the queen?
If not magnificent, what will I be?
A mere person!
How interesting.
Merely a princess of Babylon.
Merely the great-granddaughter of King Nebuchadnezzar
Merely the granddaughter of King Amel-Marduk
Merely the daughter of King Belshazzar
Kidnapped by Darius of Persia
Given to his idiot son to marry.
Merely the Queen of Persia...
Such fun.
Merely me?!!
Tell him, Vashti says No
The messenger comes back, he’s got a black eye.
The king wants to give me one more chance.
Beloved First Wife!
Dress up in your finest and parade yourself!
Then beg for forgiveness, he’s in such a good mood
I give the poor messenger a pat on the head
And an aspirin
Sorry sweetie,
Remember to duck
When you tell him, Vashti says No
Maybe I’ll cut off my long black hair,
Maybe I’ll burn all my beautiful clothes.
Maybe I’ll stop wearing make up
Maybe I’ll get fat
Hah!
Show this off buster!
Messenger falls back in the room, he’s limping now
And I think his arm is broken.
The old man wants my crown.
This crown?
The old man wants to give it to the next wife
The clothes, and servants and the jewels
So get it all, ladies, stuff it in the bags
I’m taking everything.
And tell that old glutton,
Vashti says NO.
All packed?
Good, thanks.
Get the carriage, I’ll wait here.
You know, I’ve got a lovely palace in the country
5000 square feet and a heated pool.
I think I”ll plant tomatoes.
Maybe I’ll take a lover
And write my memoirs.
As for you, husband,
Go ahead, get yourself a new queen.
On second thought, take the crown
I’ll never wear it again.
It’ll just remind me of you.
(here, give it to the boy to deliver, it might save his life.)
And lotsa luck to the next one, whoever you will be.
Display yourself if that’s what he wants
But get him drunk first
It goes faster.
Manipulate him if you can
Let him think he’s clever
It’s not that hard
Unless he’s with his friends.
So when you’re the Queen, girlie, say yes yes yes
But please, honey, whoever you are
Tell him, Vashti says No.
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Chapter 2
Lucky Esther
Lucky Hadassah,
She won a beauty contest!
Which is nice
Every girl
Should own at least one tiara.
The food is good at the palace
And there’s probably other perks.
But she has to sleep
(That’s putting it nicely)
With that grotesque,
That drunk, that autocrat,
That screamer, that narcissist,
That wastrel, that misogynist,
That idiot who will say yes to
Whoever
Is the last person he talked to:
Kill the Jews
Don’t kill the Jews
Whatever.
That’s jumping ahead in our story,
We’re still in Chapter 2,
The one where Hadassah is
Kidnapped
Trafficked
Objectified
Groomed
Raped.
The one in which she
Loses her true name
And is used by Cousin Mordecai
To make his.
Lucky Esther,
She won a beauty contest.
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Chapter 3
A Decree Was Issued
The King’s right hand man
Ambitious and greedy
An outsider (Agagite not Persian),
Never enough power
Empty inside
Never enough praise
Many children
Never enough of anything
Bows to the stupid vulgar king and
Kicks the crap out of everyone else.
This man, Haman,
Takes a particular dislike to the Jews,
And talks the rich and ignorant king
Into a program of violence,
Poorly thought out and
Consequences be damned,
That on such and such date,
All the Jews would die,
Good or bad, useful or silly,
Man or woman, adult or child.
Haman didn’t care.
And a decree was issued.
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Chapter 4
She Came Up With A Plan
Uncle Mordechai was informed
Via Esther’s LGBTQ friend
Of Haman’s evil decree
To kill all the Jews.
He covered himself In sackcloth and ashes
And made a big show
Of his grief and horror
Which changed nothing.
Mordechai was good
At sucking up to kings and
Hanging around the edges of power—
He lived well.
He cared about his people
But liked his perks
So not much got done
Until he talked to Esther.
She came up with a plan.
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Chapter 5
We See What You’re Doing
Now it came to pass on the third day
Esther got all dolled up
Dressed like a queen
All for the king.
And she waited in the courtyard
To attact the king's attention
Knowing she is beautiful
Because everyone tells her so.
They tell her that's where her power lies
But she knows better.
Because Esther is used to being looked at
She knows what it's worth
That is, she knows about the people who only look
But cannot see.
But she looks at them, too.
And she can see.
They can look and look and never see the truth
The power that she has
That she has to have
When you have no power.
So she waits in the courtyard
Because if the king lets her touch his golden scepter
(Insert double entendre here),
She lives.
But if he is offended
That she came to him without permission
She dies.
But here she is
She has to be
Because Esther sees what the king is doing.
Now it came to pass
That Esther is beautiful
And so she found favor in the king's eyes
So she invites him to a party
And Haman, too.
Especially Haman,
Only Haman.
And Haman gets all puffed up
Full of his glory
He can only see himself
The Great Man
Going to the queens banquet
And he walks past Mordechai
At the King's Gate
And Mordechai looks at Haman
And thinks to himself,
Feh
What an asshole
So Mordechai refuses to stand up
Because Mordechai sees what Haman is doing.
And it came to pass
That this really freaks out Haman
Haman sees himself through Mordechai's eyes
And everything crumbles
Classic narcissism
On one hand
Oh the glory and the money
Haman the Big Man
The king's right hand
Invited to the Queen's banquet
And on the other hand
Mordechai, that Jew, said,
Feh.
It kills Haman inside
Getting dissed by Mordechai
And he goes home to complain to Zeresh, his wife.
How, Haman asks,
Can I have a good time knowing Mordechai doesn't respect me?
So Zeresh the loyal wife says,
Look, Haman, love of my life,
don't let the Jew ruin your fun,
The solution is simple!
Build a gallows
50 Cubits high
And in the morning
Tell the king to hang Mordechai from it
Until he's dead.
Then party with a happy heart!
So Haman builds the gallows
Oy, he's in such a good mood
But as we all know
God sees what Haman is doing.
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Chapter 6
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Chapter 7
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Chapter 8
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Chapter 9
We Won And They Lost
And so, on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, when the king’s command and decree were to be executed, the very day on which the enemies of the Jews had expected to get them in their power, the opposite happened, and the Jews got their enemies in their power.*
So what happens when we win?
Not by much
And in the nick of time.
It so easily could have gone the other way.
And though there’s lots of us
There’s plenty of them
And they are cruel
But then so are we.
What to do?
Do we forgive and forget?
Do we try to change hearts and minds?
Or do we strike at our enemies with the sword?
Do we slay and destroy them
Just like they were going to slay and destroy us?
Even those who had nothing to do with it?
Even the children?
Are they permanently them?
Are we forever only us?
Shall we be cruel?
Shall we impale their children on the stake
And then forget them?
It’s strangely tempting.
Weren’t they stupid? Aren’t we clever?
So do we laugh in the face of their grief
And celebrate their deaths and their disgraces?
But what is the line between satire and derision?
Between defense and revenge?
How do we resist answering
Hate for hate, violence for violence?
Do we try to reconcile?
Should we try to be nice on principle?
What if they’re not interested in us being nice, ever?
Can’t it be enough to laugh at them,
Do we have to also slay and destroy them?
Even unto the children?
Can’t we maybe talk instead?
Blessed One-ness
What are our obligations here?
We won and they lost and we are glad.
But perhaps we need help
To remember their humanity
And ours
While we party.
Hag Purim Sameakh
*JPS translation
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Chapter 10
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