The First Two Years: A Yizkor Kavannah

I. The First Day

What?

Wait...what?

No.

How?  When?

Why?

No.

What?

No.

No no no.

II.  Shiva

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, bagesl and lox, thank you so much.

You know you meant a lot to us.

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, casserole, thank you so much.

You know you meant a lot to us.

Thank you for coming

Thank you for coming

Mmm, white fish salad, thank you so much.

It means a lot.

Yitgadal v'Yitkadash.

Thank you everyone, please go away now.

Go away.

Go away.

Thank you,

Amen.

III.  Sheloshim

Everyone went away.

Especially you.

One month later

And I don't know how to be.

Stop it.

IV.  Eleven Months Later

Today I brought a bottle of Scotch to shul

And many little plastic cups.

And just before the Mourner's Kaddish

I stood up and announced the unveiling.

Eleven months since you died.

I told a funny story

And poured out a drink for anyone who wanted one.

It was nice,

We toasted your life.

But you're still dead anyway.

You're still dead.

And I think I"m a little drunk.

V.  Two Years Later

It's Yizkor on Yom Kippur

And while the rabbi reads off the names

I'm going to tell you an embarrassing secret.

Sometimes when I'm watching TV

And an older couple comes on

In one of those commercials for Social Security supplemental health insurance.

And even though the dialogue is hokey

And the situation is contrived,

They are so warm and familiar with each other,

And you know they have been together for a long time

And plan to be together for a long time to come

And I can't help it,

It reminds me of you.

I know, right?

But I can't help it,

It makes me cry.

Only a little.

After all,

It's silly,

It's only a commercial for Social Security supplemental health insurance.

Oh, the rabbi just got to you.

It's good to hear her say your name again.

We remember you, together.  

Amen.

This Is Really Important

I am so tired of the nasty and mean-spirited comments,

the exaggerations and hyperbole, and

the age-ism 

from the older

and from the younger.

Respect experience.

Honor idealism.

Someone who disagrees with you 

is not stupid or evil.

Hard as it is,

make the choice for principled disagreement.

Remember the real enemy is the

racist,

misogynist,

homophobic,

transphobic,

fascist,

elitist,

climate change denying

fanatics and oligarchs

who must be held back

from the White House and all that power to really really hurt the world.

Once the choice is made, we must unify behind the candidate,

(neither of whom is perfect)

until after the election.

Don't make that unity harder than it needs to be.

Be a mensch.

This is really important.

Tilt: A Prayer for the Winter Solstice

This is the time of year when
The earth tilts away from the sun

And the days are muted and short. 

Still,

After twelve months of rising up and sinking down, 

Of illness and recovery,

Victory and disappointment,

Justice and injustice,

War and ceasefire,

Science and superstition,

A shorter day is sounding kinda good. 

But

Soon we will tilt in the other direction

Towards the green days of growth,

So perhaps this is a good moment

To choose what we will do next:
   Shall we be quiet and reflective
   Or make noise and good trouble?
   Shall we honor history and wisdom 

   Or create new solutions?
   Do we explore the mysteries of 

    existence

   Or insist on objective truth?

How about 

All of the above?

There is enough time   

In the longer days ahead. 

So

HaShleimut, Holy Completion,

May we all be blessed with light in the long night, 

Warmth in the cold, 
Glitter in the snow,

Peace in the discord,

And a few good parties. 

And then

Let’s chase that tilt towards the sun.

May we all have a joyful winter solstice!

Amen. 

We Must Pray and We Must Do: A Prayer for Lighting Candles

We give thanks for the ones who offer prayers.

We give thanks for the ones who take action.

We cannot heal the world without both,

We must pray AND we must do.

When so many people

Have vanished into the darkness

We light these candles 

And say the blessings

And pray for those who have been injured or killed or raped.

And pray for those who are worried and homeless and hungry.

And pray for those who are lost to themselves.

May we all be joined in yearning holy conversation

And pray when prayer is needed.

We must pray AND we must do.

When so many people

Have vanished into the darkness

We light these candles

And bless those who are working so hard to make things better.

May we join with the stubborn 

Of all places and religions and races and gender and sexual orientations,

Who, when times are hard,

Refuse to disappear,

Those who fight so hard for their communities

With food and advice and shelter and organizing and work and love and insistence and resistence.

May we all be joined in holy struggle

And act when action is needed. 

We must pray AND we must do.

We give thanks for the ones who offer prayers.

We give thanks for the ones who take action.

We cannot heal the world without both,

Blessed is the Source of Light!

We are holy with the obligation to speak goodness and do good

As we light these Shabbat/Mourning/Hanukkah candles

We will pray and we will do.

Amen

Gifts

© Trisha Arlin

Blessed One-ness,

I give thanks for the gifts that are mine to give. 

One day,

I walked into a subway car and sat down

on a bench-seat that had just enough room for me. 

Now, I am a wide person,

I take up a bit more space

Than someone who is not a wide person,

And sometimes

I push against someone,

inadvertently,

with my wide self. 

And this time,

apparently I had.

Because the man sitting next to me

made an angry noise and said,

"Well, go ahead and knock into people,
obviously you don't care."

Which was weird,

So I watched my reaction.

I heard myself thinking,

screw you buddy,it was an accident,
get over yourself,
what do you want from me,
are you making fun of me because I'm fat
is everybody staring at me because I'm fat,i hate you.

And I wanted to ignore him,

And I wanted to curse him,

And I wanted to sink into the floor.

But then I stopped,

I breathed,

I thought about the man,

I thought about what he was feeling,

and I realized

it had nothing to do with me.

He was someone at a low ebb,

He was fragile,

So fragile that 
me 

squeezing into a seat 

next to him on the subway 

and touching him without noticing

felt like an assault

on his very being. 

I had done nothing to be sorry for,

I was right.

He was wrong.

I turned to him and I said,

"I'm sorry, it was an accident, I didn't mean to push you, I hope you can forgive me."  

I didn't need to be forgiven.

But he needed to forgive me.  

"Humph", he said, "well okay". 

And his anger was gone

And so was mine. 

It cost me nothing. 

In fact, it gave me the world. 

Blessed One-ness,

I give thanks for the gift of atonement,*

Which is mine to give so easily.

Amen.

*From Devora Steinmetz's "From Father To Son"