I Am In Exile: A Prayer for Kol Nidre

I am in exile

From the source

Of my true self.

I look and I can't find me.

I want to go back

I don't know how to get there.

They tell me:

Teshuva is the answer!

Return to friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the path.

I am in exile

From my Partner

In holy conversation.

I talk but I am not heard.

I want to speak

But I don't know what to say.

They tell me:

Tefillah is the answer!

Pray with friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the ritual.

I am in exile

From the unfair pain 

Suffered by so many others.

I can only feel my own needs.

I want to help

But I don't know what to do.

They tell me:

Tzedukah is the answer!

Serve your friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the next step.

Every Yom Kippur I am told:

Teshuvah, Tefilah & Tzedukah 

Restore us to our place.

Teshuvah, when we return to our true selves;

Tefillah, when we stop time in holy conversation;

Tzedukah, when we transcend self.

I hope that that is true.

Blessed One-ness, I am looking for guidance.

Where do I walk?

What do I say?

What do I do?

I am not sure I believe the answers.

Should I trust the ones who counsel me?

Shema, they say,

Listen:
You are forgiven,
You are loved.

Blessed Holy Wholeness, 

suggesting a home.
I hope that I am forgiven,
I hope that I am loved.

Amen.