Though I Am Afraid

Blessed One-ness,
I am afraid---

It floats in front of me

So big, and sometimes I can't see around it,

So small, sometimes I pretend it isn't there.

I tried to carry it away,

to take care of it

to put it to bed

to soothe myself

But I couldn't get my arms around it.

It grew and grew,

And I was afraid it would crush me.

It has different shapes

So many, and sometimes I can't keep track,

Sometimes it's flat and obvious.

I tried to walk all around it 

to see every perspective

to know its entirety

to calm myself

But I couldn't find every angle.

It expanded and contracted,

And I was afraid it would overwhelm me.

It makes a lot of noise

So loud, and sometimes I can hear laughter,

So quiet, sometimes I can forget I'm listening.

I tried to hear it all

to remember the tunes

to record the cries

to serenade myself.

But I missed most of what it was.

There was just too much,

And I was afraid that I would disappoint.

Blessed One-ness, 
Though I am afraid
Help me imagine possibilities

Within my fear,

Of safety
Of clarity
Of action

Of goodness

Of compassion 

Of courage
Amen.