...And God said, “In every place where I cause my name to be mentioned, I will come to you and bless you.”
Exodus 20:21
We are all called to hear the Torah read out loud:
To listen to our stories,
Our laws,
Our history,
And Torah.
And sometimes, if we’re want it and we’re lucky,
To God,
However we understand God.
We ask God to listen to us,
Listen to our Fear.
Today I am called up to look to God for company
In my fear.
I am afraid of our leaders
And I am afraid for the people looking to replace our leaders.
I am afraid of violence.
I am afraid of hate.
I fear the hate I hear towards immigrants, people of color, Jews, the poor,
Towards people who are too old or young,
Towards people of good intent with whom we mildly disagree,
Anyone who is not us.
I am afraid for myself, I am afraid for you, I am afraid for everybody.
I don’t want to deny the fear
That only makes it stronger.
So today I touch the Torah,
I acknowledge the fear.
We acknowledge the fear.
Blessed Holy One-ness,
We are afraid.
And we ask God to listen to us.
To listen to our Despair.
Today I am called up to look to God for company
In my despair.
The enemy is so strong
And we are divided.
We keep losing
And this is no game.
Lives are ruined,
Animals are going extinct,
The planet is on fire,
I miss snow.
Cruelty goes unpunished
And I can’t get away from it.
There’s no point in pretending I don’t feel it.
We all feel it.
No distractions work for long.
It feels hopeless.
Solidarity helps
But the grief won’t go away
And the more I deny it
The worse it gets.
So I touch the Torah
I acknowledge my despair
We acknowledge the despair.
Blessed Holy One-ness,
We are sad.
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There is a parable
in the Sefer Ha-Aggadah,*
The Book of Legends,
About a king
who had a beautiful orchard
Which, when he
had to leave for a year,
He left in the
hands of a keeper.
And when the
king returned,
The orchard had
been terribly neglected,
Overgrown with
thorns and thistles.
He was going to
tear the orchard down
But looking
down at the thorns
He noticed among
them
A rose-colored
lily.
And the king
said
“Because of
this lily, let the entire orchard be spared.”
And the rabbis
say,
“Likewise the
whole world is spared, for the sake of Torah. “
So
Hineni
Here I am
Standing at the foot of Mount Sinai
Looking to God for company
Both metaphorical and real,
Whether I believe in it or not.
And let me tell you something I do.
Once a month
I choose a name to represent what God is for me that day.
And today the name I choose for God is Emunah,
Faith.
I have no faith
Faith is for suckers
But still
We ask God to listen to us,
To listen to our Faith.
Because today I choose Torah.
Today I choose the rule of law.
Today I choose history and science.
Today I choose to resist the pharoah.
Today I choose holy conversations.
Today I choose to heal the world.
Today I choose acts of loving kindness.
Today I choose the wisdom of Yitro, to share the burdens
And today I choose Emunah,
To act AS IF:
As if I am not afraid,
As if I do not despair.
This is not hope
Because hope acknowledges the possibility of failure
And today I choose optimism,
As if I have faith
That I am not alone.
Because God said, “In every place where I cause my name to be mentioned, I will come to you and bless you.”
Blessed One-ness,
Emunah,
Believing, Believer, Believed.
Today we choose to be blessed.
Today we choose the lily among the thorns.
Amen
*Legend Of The Jews, page 78
Schocken Books 1992
