Benching Gomel After Receiving The Second Dose of the Vaccine

What is this feeling?

Three days ago

I received the second of two doses

Of the Moderna vaccine.

And this feeling, what is it?

I am so mindful of the privileges

Of skin, class, nationality, neighborhood

To access the vaccine

And I am not strong enough to turn it down.

And I am so mindful

Of the inspiration and efficiency,

The hard work and creativity

And the accumulation of knowledge

That brought me to this moment. 

No miracles were wanted or needed,

For this vaccine

Only science and money,

But still,

Isn’t it amazing?

What is this feeling?

Is this safety?

Do I feel...good?

Some of the fear 

Is over

For me.

May everyone everywhere receive their two doses

And may the side effects be mild and effective

And may we all feel good, and safe.

Blessed HaShleimut, the Holy Wholeness,

Creating Sanctuary

We give thanks.

Amen

Hagar's Prayer*

   

  

      Blessed One-ness, Breathing Existence,

I once was Sarah:Rich,Loved,Able to laugh at everything,Even God,Especially God.I had a place, a home, a mission.

But now I'm Hagar:Broke,Alone,About to cry at everything,Even God.Especially God.Wandering, in the desert, hungry. 

This is my fault.I should have seen this comingI should have protected myself,I refused to accurately assess my situation.Oh, the fantasies I had of love and success.

No! This is Sarah's fault,She, with her connectionsAnd her covenantAnd no room for anyone else.Oh, the promises she made when she needed me.

No, this is Abraham's fault!He pretends to have no agencyBut he's the one with the money and the power,He's the one who talks to God (or so he says).Oh, the bullshit he slings about destiny.

All I have now is a cat named IshmaelAnd he expects to be fedAnd watered.Meow Meow, he's starving.I can't look at him,Oh, I can't watch him die.All I can do is pray.

Blessed One-nessBreathing Existence,Send me a social workerOr food stampsOr a lotto ticketOr friendsOr a magical flowing spring of plenty that pours out from the rocks.

Or something.Amen. 
*Originally Printed in Journal of Feminist Studies In Religion: #35, 1

Chapter 5: Zeresh, the Karen of Shushan

 Zeresh, Haman’s wife,

Egging on her vile spouse,

Screaming, Kill the Jews!

The Shushan equivalent of Karen,

Screaming, Black men!

Dialing 911

About the bird watcher

Or the candy buyer

Or the driver

Or the walker

Or the swimmer

Or the runner

Or the sleeper

Or the voter.

 

Hag Purim Sameakh

The 9th Chapter: We Won And They Lost

 

And so, on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, when the king’s command and decree were to be executed, the very day on which the enemies of the Jews had expected to get them in their power, the opposite happened, and the Jews got their enemies in their power.*

 

So what happens when we win?

Not by much

And in the nick of time.

It so easily could have gone the other way.

And though there’s lots of us

There’s plenty of them

And they are cruel

But then so are we.

What to do?

 

For Mordecai was now powerful in the royal palace, and his fame was spreading through all the provinces; the man Mordecai was growing ever more powerful.

So the Jews struck at their enemies with the sword, slaying and destroying; they wreaked their will upon their enemies.

 

Do we forgive and forget?

Do we try to change hearts and minds?

Or do we strike at our enemies with the sword?

Do we slay and destroy

Just like they were going to slay and destroy us?

Even those who had nothing to do with it?

Are they permanently them?

Are we forever only us?

 

The king said to Queen Esther, “In the fortress Shushan alone the Jews have killed a total of five hundred men, as well as the ten sons of Haman. What then must they have done in the provinces of the realm! What is your wish now? It shall be granted you. And what else is your request? It shall be fulfilled.”

“If it please Your Majesty,” Esther replied, “let the Jews in Shushan be permitted to act tomorrow also as they did today; and let Haman’s ten sons be impaled on the stake.”

 

Shall we be cruel?

Shall we impale their children on the stake

And then forget them?

It’s strangely tempting.

The same days on which the Jews enjoyed relief from their foes and the same month which had been transformed for them from one of grief and mourning to one of festive joy. They were to observe them as days of feasting and merrymaking, and as an occasion for sending gifts to one another.

 

Weren’t they stupid?

Aren’t our comedians clever?

So do we laugh in the face of their grief

And celebrate their deaths and their disgraces?

But what is the line

Between satire and derision?

Between defense and revenge?

How do we resist answering hate for hate, violence for violence?

Do we try to reconcile?

Should we try to be nice on principle?

What if they’re not interested in us being nice, ever?

Can’t it be enough to laugh at them,

Do we have to also slay and destroy them?

Can’t we maybe talk instead?

Blessed One-ness

What are our obligations here?

We won and they lost and we are glad.

But perhaps we need help

To remember their humanity

While we party.

Hag Purim Sameakh

Amen.

*JPS translation