I Am In Exile: A Prayer for Kol Nidre

I am in exile

From the source

Of my true self.

I look and I can't find me.

I want to go back

I don't know how to get there.

They tell me:

Teshuva is the answer!

Return to friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the path.

I am in exile

From my Partner

In holy conversation.

I talk but I am not heard.

I want to speak

But I don't know what to say.

They tell me:

Tefillah is the answer!

Pray with friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the ritual.

I am in exile

From the unfair pain 

Suffered by so many others.

I can only feel my own needs.

I want to help

But I don't know what to do.

They tell me:

Tzedukah is the answer!

Serve your friends, community, One-ness!

But I am lost,

I don't know the next step.

Every Yom Kippur I am told:

Teshuvah, Tefilah & Tzedukah 

Restore us to our place.

Teshuvah, when we return to our true selves;

Tefillah, when we stop time in holy conversation;

Tzedukah, when we transcend self.

I hope that that is true.

Blessed One-ness, I am looking for guidance.

Where do I walk?

What do I say?

What do I do?

I am not sure I believe the answers.

Should I trust the ones who counsel me?

Shema, they say,

Listen:
You are forgiven,
You are loved.

Blessed Holy Wholeness, 

suggesting a home.
I hope that I am forgiven,
I hope that I am loved.

Amen.

A Prayer for Compassion

Blessed One-ness, 

Blessed Connection, 
Kadosh Baruch Hu:
We pray for all who are in pain
And all who cause pain.

We pray for those of us
Who are so angry
That we have lost compassion for the suffering
Of anyone who is not a member of our group.
And we pray for those of us
Who cannot see the suffering
Behind the loss of that compassion.

We pray for the strength
To resist the urge to inhumanity
That we feel in times of fear and mourning.
We pray for the courage
To resist the calls to inhumanity
That others may make upon us in times of crisis.

Blessed One-ness, 

Blessed Connection,
Kadosh Baruch Hu:
May we find relief from our hurts and fears
And may we not, in our pain,
Lose our empathy
For the hurts and fears of others.
We pray for all who are in pain
And all who cause pain.
Amen

Performance at D'var Shirah

Four Children and Five Rabbis

A Blessing For Those Left Behind

Baruch atah Adonai

Brucha at Shechina

Blessed One-ness

Bringing connection when there is separation,

Remembering joy even when we cannot.

One-ness,

We are blessed to be part of this holy wholeness

Even if we understand so little of it.

We are blessed to have received so much love,

Even when it is lost. 

And we pray for the strength to perceive the blessings

Even when it hurts so much.

Amen. 

The Afflicted Matzoh

There are three matzot in this pile,

One on top of the other on top of the other.

The top matza and the bottom Matza are,
perhaps,

A Pesach reminder

Of the two loaves of challah we would eat on Shabbat

(But not tonight!)

Which are themselves perhaps a reminder

Of the two portions of manna

The former slaves received  in the desert

From God

Every Friday before Shabbat.

That's the top and the bottom

But the middle matza?
Ah

That's the Afflicted Matza.

The reminder of the unleavened bread

We ate as we fled slavery.

This Afflicted Matza,

We break it in half

To separate ourselves,

First from joy

So we don't forget our pain

So we don't forget the pain of others.

All this pain

Lives in this first half of the Afflicted Matza

And we will eat this first half now

So that we do not forget that we were slaves,

So that we do not enslave others.

And we are obligated to share those memories.

But--
With the second half of the Afflicted Matza,

Called, the Afikomen,

We break away from the pain

So that we don't forget the what can follow the sorrow:

The times we enjoyed our lives

The moments when we changed things for the better.

And we are obligated to share those memories, too.

Then, after we have told our stories

And after we have eaten our meal

We search for that happiness.
And we always find it,

Every year,

The Afikomen,

And everyone has a taste

So we don't forget how good it is to be alive

And free.

TZAV - A Guided Meditation

Close your eyes and listen to your breath.



You are walking on a path in a beautiful meadow.

You see, in the middle of a field, that there is a small windowless building

You slowly walk around this building.  

Feel the wall as you walk around the building.  It pulses with energy.

When you come to the fourth side of the building, you find the door.  Open the door into an empty room.

There is no obvious source of light, but it is a bright room.

Go in.  You see a table

There is something on the table

It is a gift.

A gift of love from God.

What is it?  

You will try to come up with the perfect idea, but what was the first thing you thought of when you heard the words, a gift of love from God.  That's the gift.

Pick up the object, this thing or being, this gift of love.

The object has something written on it.

There is a message for you.

Read the message. 

The object turns into something else.  What does it turn into?  Your first thought.

If you had to explain this object to someone else, what would you say?

Throw the transformed object into the air.  It disappears.

You don’t know what to do next.

Walk around the empty room.   Perhaps it stays empty.

Perhaps there are other objects in the room.  Make note of them but leave them alone.  They are other kinds of gifts.  They are for some other time. 

Find the door, go outside back to the meadow.

Arthur Green writes in his interpretation of the Se-fat Emet's commentary on Tzav,

We long for a perfect act of worship, one in which there is no distraction, no doubt, no holding back, no wandering of the mind, nothing but the pure gift of love.  But we miss the point.  Our worship is all about struggle, an ongoing inner process of transformation

And when you are ready, open your eyes.